Oh the love! He's handsome, don't you think? But just as love is wonderful, the breakup of a relationship can be quite traumatic. Who has never had to gather the little hearts and mend them on the basis of “I will never fall in love again”?

The breakup of a dating or marriage almost always comes with laundry, fights, arguments and, in more serious cases, punches and slaps. Before sinking into a jar of ice cream and crying the pitangas to the sound of "All By Myself", know that science can help you understand - and perhaps overcome - this phase more easily.

Scientist Stephanie Pappas, a contributor to the Live Science Web site, has done a “cold” analysis of seven scientifically terminating facts. Check out:

1. Breaks are predictable

“God, how was that going to happen? Everything was so good between us. ” You might think it was, but one study has shown that the seed of the end has been sown much longer than you think: and if you didn't see it bloom, it was because you were looking the wrong way.

In 2010, the journal Psychological Science published a study of 222 people who were in a relationship. They should say their partner's name and two words related to him. In the second step, they should press a “positive” or “negative” button when exposed to these words. Research has shown that those people who pressed the “negative” button faster are the ones most likely to end their relationship the following year.

The seed of the end was already planted long before you think

2. You End Up With Yourself

A survey led by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2010 showed that many people are really lost after a breakup. This is especially true of young college students who do not know where to go after a breakup.

"When relationships end, people not only feel the pain of losing their partner, but also of the changes they will have to make in themselves, " the study concluded, which was done with weekly testimonials from people experiencing recent breakups.

Loss of identity is one of the most distressing things at the end of a relationship.

3. Drowning hurts can be a good thing

After a breakup, are you the kind of person who stays at home wallowing the whole relationship and thinking about everything you've been through? Do you do this with an ice cream pot and romantic movies on Netflix? Know that you may be doing the right thing.

The journal Social Psychology and Personality Science published a study of people who attended weekly sessions of collective analysis of their relationship breakdowns. Remembering each session the reasons for the end may even seem a bit of masochism, right?

However, research has shown that people who took this time for a collective self-analysis fared beyond the end much faster than those who attended a few of the sessions done by the study.

Liking the pit helps overcome it faster

4. Autoflagelo should not take too long

While the above shows that thinking about the ending and talking about it can be a beneficial thing, being forever whining won't help you get around anything. It takes willpower.

In 2012, a study of about 500 women was published showing that those who were stalk- ing their ex-boyfriend's Facebook for the longest time reported the most distress, depression, and longing.

Moreover, this same research, which was led by the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, points out that severing all sorts of relationships with the former may not be the best way out. Sometimes keeping you in touch with your contacts will sporadically confront you with a ridiculous status update, taking your ex off the pedestal you put him on.

Fossa should not take so long

5. It's hard to get over, but time helps

Research published in 2010 by the Journal of Neurophysiology shows that forgetting an ex is as difficult as overcoming an addiction. The test was done with people who had recently been kicked and said they couldn't forget the "great love of their lives."

To do this, scientists showed pictures of the ex and friends of the rejected person to monitor brain reactions to these images. Seeing the ex, people had a higher activity in the brain region known as the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is a place of the brain activated when there is motivation, reward and passion.

The nucleus accumbens, another area of ​​the brain linked to reward and addiction, has also become more active when pictures of ex-boyfriends are displayed. The good part is that science explains that over time brain activities in these specific areas tend to decrease; ie the elbow pain will one day pass.

Ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbers are responsible for pleasure and addiction

6. Women suffer more

Although the breakup can be equally painful for men and women, the pain they feel is greater. At least that's what a study published a few years ago with more than 5, 000 people, straight and gay, proves.

On a pain scale ranging from 0 to 10, women had an average of 6.84 pain points related to separation anxiety, a level relatively higher than the 6.58 average that men had. The research was published by Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.

Women tend to suffer more after breakup

7. The terms aren't even that bad

When the end comes, it is normal to think that you will die and never get over this pain. Science shows, however, that this "inner grief" lasts less than we expect. We usually recover from the end about twice as fast as we ourselves expect.

We overestimate the loss, thinking it will be painful forever. And never is! A 2008 study by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology followed 70 college students who had relationships during graduation. Of these, 26 ended the relationship over the course of the study and believed it would take at least 20 weeks to recover. However, in less than 10 weeks most were ready for another!

You will be ready to move on much sooner than you expect.

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And have you, dear reader, ever come to an end in which you thought you would sink into a well of tears and then saw that overcoming was much easier than you expected? Are you suffering from love right now and have you come here wanting a formula for the pain to pass? That advice that you have to be “calm all this soon will pass” is worth a lot! Combined?

* Posted on 1/9/2015

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