The good side of loneliness - 7 tactics for those who can't be alone

If you had to choose between spending 15 minutes alone, just thinking about a room, or getting electric shocks, what would you choose? At first it may not seem so, but this study proved a bizarre fact: most people prefer electric shocks!

This is because we are socially programmed to be afraid of loneliness and to interpret it as extremely negative. Psychologically, this may have to do with the fact that human beings always seek approval and end up thinking that if a person is alone it is because no one likes him.

The truth is that when it comes to loneliness there are two strands: loneliness in the sense of being without people around and sad loneliness, let's say, that is when we feel alone, with no one to count on, even when we need it most. of attention. According to psychologist Ross Rosenberg, people who cannot be alone may have some trauma due to some experience of loss or grief, have low self-esteem or are insecure.

Rosenberg asserts, however, that loneliness is part of human existence. According to him, we all feel lonely from time to time, but some people ALWAYS suffer from being alone. Also, it is worth noting that some specific personality patterns seem more comfortable with loneliness, such as introverts who really NEED some time alone.

The Huffington Post broached the subject and decided to give some tips to those people who prefer electric shock, after all, loneliness is part of our lives and it is possible not only to learn to deal with it, but also to reap the benefits of our time without company. . Check out some of the following tips:

1 - The root of the problem

As Rosenberg himself said, people who are afraid of loneliness often have some kind of trauma that makes them experience great discomfort when they are without someone around. If you don't like to spend a few moments with yourself, try to understand why this happens.

2 - Be alone

One way to overcome fear is to confront it once and for all. In the case of loneliness, one way to solve the problem is to be alone at once, without thinking too much, as an experience at all. That way you'll finally know what it's like to be in a room with no one around, just thinking about life, the universe and everything.

“It's like jumping into a pool when you know the water is cold, ” compares Rosenberg. Indeed, when we jump into a pool of ice water, we get that momentary scare, but then we get used to it and have fun.

3 - Discover new activities

Sometimes you may not like being alone because you have nothing to do and boredom takes over. If so, nothing better than discovering things that can be done without the company of others, such as writing, drawing, reading, learning how to cook a new recipe, or simply starting to watch that series that no one wanted to watch with you. The important thing is to think of activities that are inspiring and able to wake up your most creative side.

4 - Have deep relationships

When you have solid relationships — friendship, love, or family — you end up not having a hard time spending time alone. This has to do with the fact that an intense relationship makes us safe, and security is the keyword when it comes to loneliness. The more intense a relationship is, the more you feel it can be heard and understood - deep down, we all want just that.

When you have someone to count on at all times, you may not feel distressed when you are alone. Just knowing that there is someone out there that you can count on whenever you need it is a relief.

5 - Change the scenery

Let's say you can't stand the idea of ​​being alone in your room or in any room in your home. No problem, just choose another place. In this case, Rosenberg advises light-hearted spaces, such as museums, galleries, or any quiet place that will get you out of your comfort zone and still explore your time better with yourself.

6 - Get back to childhood

Rosenberg explains that people who can calm themselves when they are in uncomfortable situations have probably grown up in a healthy family environment. However, those who have not had their basic safety needs guaranteed by their parents may not have security in adulthood, and in this case end up always seeking to be in the company of people who can unconsciously alleviate this feeling.

7 - Ask for help

If even after going through all these steps you still feel uncomfortable with loneliness, be sure to seek help. Chronic fear of loneliness can be quite detrimental as time goes by, and a very effective way to solve the problem is to seek psychotherapeutic treatment.

It is common for people to still view the treatments performed by psychologists with bad eyes, but this is just prejudice and lack of information. Anyone, no matter how much trouble they believe they have, can benefit from some good therapy sessions.

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