Rule Three: An Easy Way for Those Who Want to Communicate Better

Humans are communicative in nature, but some people don't have much resourcefulness in starting or holding a conversation. This happens for a number of reasons: insecurity, fear, discomfort. The human mind can sometimes sabotage us without giving many clues.

The fact is that being able to communicate effectively is fundamental to many aspects of a person's life: from family life, to school and academic experience, to loving relationships and, of course, to the workplace.

Fortunately, smart as we are, we can almost always find solutions to the problems that plague us. Psychology Today has recently published a way to improve your communication skills based on a rule of three. No, you didn't read it wrong: We're really talking about the rule of three, but not the way you know it.

It has nothing to do with math

Karl Albrecht, author of more than 20 books on psychology, explains that, by and large, the key to becoming a communicative person with whom others enjoy talking is simple: it is talking to someone, not to someone. “It works like magic, ” he says.

To better explain what this tip means, Albrecht used the quote from one of the responsible for the rise of modern psychology, William James: "The deepest need of every human being is the desire to be appreciated." It is no use even trying to deny: when we are favored among the people we live with, we feel good.

It is from this reasoning that Albrecht goes on: For him, what makes a person boring is when he speaks only of himself and does not bother to listen to the other. He also explains that a conversation is not just about dialogue, but about other elements that reveal themselves through what we say: respect, appreciation, generosity. For Albrecht, there are three small steps to better communicating, and you'll get to know them below.

Statements: Some facts are undeniable truths and, if so, you can quote them in a conversation. Want an example? "Today, Pope Francis is the greatest representative of the Catholic Church." That is certain and undisputed information, isn't it? There simply is no other Pope. Now, when you say things like “no health insurance works in this country, ” they demonstrate that the conversation is about themselves and the opinion they consider to be the only true one.

Questions: Here the point is complementary to the previous item. When a person does not stick their opinions down their throats below others, they usually ask questions during a conversation. “What do you think of the candidates?” And “How are you handling this change?” Are short sentences that show interest in what the other has to say and convey the idea that the speaker is actually participating in the dialogue.

Qualifiers: A point here is who can express their opinions clearly, well-founded and without aggression. If there is no consensus on either the use of cookies or crackers, any deeper issue will always have at least two points of view. Want an example? "I can't say it on everyone's behalf, but for me the best way to study for a test is to take notes with colored pens." This shows that you respect other forms of study and that you understand that what works in your case does not need to apply to everyone.

Reading comments ...

Just read any comment section on the internet to see that many people have a hard time dealing with opinions contrary to their own and that it creates discomfort, aggression and indisposition. These people are the least able to understand these three aspects explored by Albrecht.

He explains that those who spend their entire lives struggling with other people's opinions act this way because they unconsciously believe that if they admit that others can think differently, they will be seen as weak or losing. It ... makes a lot of sense.

Albrecht invites us to try his rule of three, to try to monitor what we say during a conversation, and even how we make such statements. Do we give room to the opinion of others? Are we interested in what the other thinks or are we only concerned with saying what we think is right?

How do you feel when someone starts talking without giving room for your answer? What do you think of those who do not listen to you or show interest in what you say? If you do not like this type of person, which is more than natural, just monitor yourself not to act like her.

* Posted on 12/28/2016