Friendship with ex? See what science thinks of this
Rebecca Griffith, a master's student in psychology at the University of Kansas, released a study showing that friendship with the former has become a growing phenomenon in today's society. Previous studies have shown that up to 60% of former couples were able to maintain a friendship relationship after the breakup. However, this may not always be beneficial, and the reasons for maintaining contact need to be made clear.
After applying questionnaires to nearly 500 women and 400 men, Rebecca came to the conclusion that there are four main reasons for continuing this friendship. The first is the security of having someone you have bonded with, especially when listening to advice or having emotional support.
The second reason is practicality, especially if the relationship has some financial dependence or the existence of children. The third reason is civility: many do not want to hurt the other with a definite ending that also includes the end of friendship.
The problem lies in the fourth and final reason: the hope of a return and the continuation of the failed romance. Interestingly, the study showed that these “friendships” of interest usually last longer after the end of the romantic relationship between both parties. However, these relationships often involve jealousy and depression, especially for those who still have love feelings.
This is not the case with friendship for civility or practicality: these are usually more positive in character, according to Rebecca's study, and last a long time. When the reason is safety, the tendency is that this is a healthy relationship, although without predictability of duration.
The researcher concludes that the ideal is to maintain the relationship with the ex only if the reasons are not emotional (civility and practicality), because when they are involved (in security relationships or romantic desires), the tendency is that one or both people involved end up further increasing the problems.
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