See 7 tips from an FBI expert to get people to like you

Who doesn't want to be favored among the people they live with? Coworkers, teachers, friends, neighbors, family members ... it's socially important to get along with these people, but that doesn't mean this is an easy task. Quite the opposite.

Time magazine has published a series of tips that can help you improve your interpersonal relationships or perhaps become a person with more friends. The tips were given by Robin Dreeke, who has studied the most diverse types of relationships for almost 30 years and, as it were not enough, is considered a kind of behavioral ninja of the FBI. So maybe this guy knows what he's talking about. It costs us nothing to find out what he has to say:

1 - What to do when meeting a new person

The first time you talk to someone, try to know some of their thoughts and opinions. Ask questions, listen and do not show any judgment whatsoever. “It doesn't mean you agree with the person, ” explains Dreeke, who argues that the first conversation is about getting to know someone as much as possible. Not judging means respect, and everyone likes to be respected.

Let's say you hear something you don't agree with or don't understand. Instead of frowning or scowling, the ideal is to say something like, “Wow, this is really interesting. I had never thought from this point of view. Help me understand how you came to this thought. ” So not only are you respecting but you have shown interest. Point to you.

Making people comfortable talking about themselves is big business. In fact, some research has already suggested that many people out there are more happy talking about their lives than eating or spending money. Yeah.

2 - Leave the ego aside

If there is one thing that social networking has taught us is that human beings often have an uncontrollable need to prove that the other is wrong. If you are the type who loves to catch contradictory points in someone else's speech and then point out the mistakes in the interlocutor's jokes, know that, well ... You're a bore. And you shouldn't do that if you want the person you are talking to to come to your face.

“To suspend your ego is to put your needs, desires and opinions aside. It is consciously ignoring your desire to be right and correct a person. It doesn't mean allowing you to be emotionally kidnapped by a situation where you may not agree with someone's thoughts, opinions or actions, ”explains the expert. That is: it's okay to keep your opinion to yourself. It's even good.

We're not saying you have to behave like a dead fly and accept everything you hear out there. The point is, you have to be aware of things, and people who live by mouths or correcting the mistakes of others are usually not the dearest in a group - notice.

Neuroscientifically, this also has an explanation: our brain "shuts down" upon hearing from someone that we are mistaken. The rational side is downcast and we prepare for the fight. The logic here is quite simple: If you want the person to like you, expect more intimacy to disagree with them, and when you do, be consistent.

3 - Learn to listen!

We have already said that people love to talk about themselves, and precisely because of this, when they find someone willing to listen to what they say, the connection is almost naturally established. Being a good listener, however, isn't exactly simple - after all, if everyone loves talking about themselves, why would you be any different?

This is why you need to understand well what it means to be a good listener. This is not to say that the caller will make a monologue, and you will be looking dumb. In fact, the ideal is to pay attention to what the other person says and not to measure words: dialogue needs to flow, and being a good listener means making interesting, relevant comments and questions.

“What you should do is this: once you have a story or idea you would like to share, don't do it. Consciously say to yourself, 'I won't say that.' All you have to do is ask yourself, 'What idea or thought did the person mention I find fascinating and want to explore?' ”Recommends Dreeke.

When you tell someone to talk more about a particular subject, they automatically come to like you more and even feel the need to help you. Some research has already proven this.

4 - The Best Question You Can Ask

Dreeke says that intriguing questions that are considered good are questions that question people's last big challenges. In this sense, it is worth asking what were the biggest challenges that someone faced at work, college or living in a particular region. “Everyone goes through challenges. This [ask about them] makes people reveal their priorities at a certain point in life, ”says the expert.

Asking questions is so important that you already know, for example, that asking for advice is a great way to influence someone. So, beyond the issue of challenges, it is advantageous to show interest in the other person's opinion and, if possible, ask what they would do if they were in your place about something. Asking for advice is good for both sides.

5 - How to approach new people

Knowing someone is not always the easiest task. So, to avoid fatigue, you might find a loophole to say you're leaving soon. For Dreeke, the first dialogue needs to contain some very specific information: who you are, what you want, and when you are leaving.

This is about security and control. To get it right, just change your point of view and understand that just as you wouldn't feel comfortable if a completely strange person started a bizarre dialogue, others don't.

Upon learning that the person is leaving soon, this feeling of control of the situation arises. And then it is normal for the conversation to follow in a more natural and relaxed way. Then, if so, you change the speech and ask if the person wouldn't mind if you stayed a little longer.

6 - Some things about body language

Just as you need to be a good listener, ask interesting questions and ask for advice, it is important to pay attention to what your body says even when your mouth is closed.

In that sense, the most important thing is to smile - one of the simplest ways to get someone's trust. If you smile slowly, even better. The smile is really contagious, and it is well known, for example, that seeing certain people smiling gives our brains the same pleasure it would have if we ate 2, 000 candy bars. Here's a tip for the new diet: replace chocolates with smiles.

Other signs that help: keep your chin pointed down a little and tilt your head to the side from time to time. Also, it's good not to be totally facing the person - that's intimidating.

While speaking, let your palms up - this gesture is interpreted by the person you are talking to as "I am listening to what you say and I am open to new ideals." Raising eyebrows from time to time is also positive. No frowning or biting lips: it shows stress.

7 - How to deal with someone you don't trust

Sometimes it's no use: we end up having to interact even with those people who don't inspire confidence. By the way, if it feels like someone is trying to manipulate you, you have to know what to do, right?

Dreeke explains that in these situations the first thing to do is to clarify what each person's goals are. He even shows us a model of what can be said: “You are using very good words with me. Obviously you are very skilled at what you do, but I am really curious: what is your goal? What are you trying to achieve? I'm here with my goals, but obviously you need to reach yours. So if you tell me what these goals are, we can start from there and see if we can take care of them mutually. If it doesn't, that's fine. ”

The biggest tip is always to focus on sincerity, not tricks or games. This is how people will start to respect you; After all, when you speak the truth, you show weakness - it is normal for us to respect those who have the courage to do so.

When people talk about core qualities in a friend, a loving partner, or a co-worker, isn't the word "sincerity" easily listed? Yeah. Being honest is really worth it.

* Posted on 23/07/2015