Revealing Data on Betrayal
By saying "yes" to your partner on your wedding day, most couples are sure to follow "happily ever after." However, it is not always easy to overcome the routine, which ends up making the relationship monotonous and difficult to carry on.
In this context, many end up flirting with co-workers, friends or even strangers as a way of making love and sex life more interesting. The problem is that infidelity involves breaking trust and is one of the reasons for the relationship to end.
Despite the risk, research shows that most couples have had a case of infidelity, even if the betrayed party does not know it. The reasons for preferring an extramarital affair to escape monotony rather than divorce vary, as do the reasons for seeking a lover.
And finding someone willing to have an affair without compromise seems easier and easier. Social networks that help the committed to spice up the relationship through confidential flirting have arrived in Brazil gaining more than 100, 000 users in a few months.
Check below what research on the behavior of infidels has to reveal and find out if betrayal can really be an alternative to getting out of the rut.
Who are the infidels?
Since it arrived in Brazil about a year ago, Second Love's married dating site has been able to unravel the behavior of the country's infidels. With the proposal to offer new love experiences for those who are tired of the wedding routine, the service already has more than 150 thousand Brazilian users.
To find out the profile of subscribers, Second Love did a survey of 1, 000 of them. Among these, 70% were men and the predominant age group (36%) was between 30 and 39 years old. Most also reported having completed college (54%) and following the principles of Christianity (48%). The Paulistas lead the entries, followed by cariocas and miners.
Among the committed, 27% stated that they have been married for over 10 years, in a close relationship (82.5%) and do not disclose their extramarital adventures to their partner (70%). It seems that monogamy is down among users, as more than half of them (56%) said they didn't believe it.
The survey also found that lack of sex in marriage is the main reason for betrayal, with 61% of respondents. Then comes the end of passion (35%), difficulty communicating (26%) and misunderstanding in the relationship (19%). Regarding participation in Second Love, most revealed that they just wanted a casual relationship without commitment.
American website Ashley Madison, also in the area of married relationships, did a similar survey with its users in the United States. Among the 14, 000 respondents, 11, 000 were men in their 40s, married for at least 10 years and with two small children. The main professions of traitors are IT and engineering (10.6%), financial industry (8.2%), educators (6.5%), doctors (4.6%) and lawyers (3.8%). ).
For women, the 30-year age group is predominant. In general, they have been married for five years or less, have a child about three years old and are teaching teachers in the medical industry or are housewives.
Brazil is the champion in betrayals
Although the profiles of Brazilian and American infidels are very similar, the fact is that when it comes to betrayal, we get ahead. A survey by another website that allows married couples, Ohhtel.com, revealed that this is where most traitors live.
The network also operates in the United States, Argentina, Canada and Chile, and the claim of the Tupiniquim advantage arose from the number of monthly subscriptions on the site. While here it can reach 80, 000 people, in the United States that number does not exceed 50, 000. Compared to Argentina and Canada, the difference is even greater, with 13, 000 and 5, 000 new monthly users, respectively.
The survey also revealed that most Brazilian registrants do not intend to divorce because they love their partners.
The success of social networking for married people
In the last year, Brazilians have gained access to new sites that make searching for an extramarital affair easier. Among them is Second Love, which in just over a year already has 120, 000 active users.
According to executive Anabela Santos, spokeswoman for the service for Brazil, the focus is on the committed ones who want to temporarily escape the monotony of their long relationships. However, she points out that the intention is not to encourage betrayal, just to spice up the relationship with virtual flirtations. “The option of going beyond just a virtual chat is up to each user, ” she points out.
The executive explains that, after registration, users can interact through “wink” (feature to draw the attention of suitors), email exchange or even 3D chat. The latter is a virtual chat in which participants can be represented by an animation during the conversation, with a relaxed setting. The messages, however, remain written, as in conventional chats.
In order to keep the confidentiality of the participants, it is possible to register with a nickname, without involving the real name. Thus, all contacts will be made through him, without revealing his real identity. “Users also have the option to post a private photo and only show who interests them by sending a password, ” she exemplifies.
The secrecy provided by the internet is one of the advantages that make the environment so attractive to those seeking an extramarital affair. In addition, the affair will happen to strangers, which makes it possible for the spouse to discover the event even rarer.
For Anabela, the site is just another tool to meet other people, as well as bars and clubs. “The difference is that with Second Love you can be sure that the people there are in the same situation. We just give them the opportunity to meet others with the same needs, concerns, desires, etc., ”he says.
And it seems that the proposal is praised by subscribers to the site. “Feedback from users about meeting other people and reports of improvements in marriage is very good, ” says the executive. According to her, there are no records of people who have started a new life in a new marriage. However, given the number of times people access the service again, it can be assumed that many find themselves in real life.
Sexual performance influences betrayal
In addition to understanding how married dating sites work, it is worth finding out what can lead these people to resort to an extramarital affair. A July 2011 survey by the University of Guelph, Canada, found that sexual performance can have a major influence on this decision.
That's because, according to Archives of Sexual Behavior, men and women who are more nervous about their performance in bed are more likely to cheat than others.
The intention was to uncover demographic, interpersonal and personality factors of monogamous couples who reported infidelity.
A total of 506 men and 412 women responded to the online survey. All were part of monogamous relationships and revealed that personality and interpersonal factors interfere more in the occurrence of infidelity than demographic aspects, such as religion, for example.
Among the participants, a quarter of men and 19% of women confessed to having betrayed their partner. For them, betrayal involves having sexual interactions with random people.
In this context, male personality proved to be one of the determinants of infidelity. Among men, those who are most easily turned on or like to take risks are the biggest traitors. In addition, husbands who are very anxious about their performance in bed also betray more.
For women, however, research has shown that relationship quality is the single most important factor driving them into betrayal. The study showed that those who are unhappy with their partner are twice as likely to surrender to infidelity. In addition, they can cheat three times more if they feel incompatible with their spouse in bed.
Emotional dissatisfaction leads to betrayal
A survey by YourTango.com has revealed, however, that sex can be put on the back burner as a reason for infidelity. A group of approximately 1, 200 professionals, members of the service's expert council, analyzed user behavior and released the study last month with the conclusion.
Experts say emotional dissatisfaction in the relationship is the number one reason for betrayal, followed by sex. For researcher Lynn R. Zakery, it may be surprising, but most men are really looking for someone to exchange ties, be their best friend and close partner. So when the emotional side fails in marriage, they start looking for new partners.
The study also analyzed other aspects related to infidelity. Among respondents, 50% agreed that technology favors betrayal. In contrast, only 7% confirmed that Facebook has increased the number of extramarital affairs significantly. In addition, 90% revealed that dating sites only give the opportunity to find someone, but if a person wants to cheat, they will find someone regardless of the help of these resources.
The study also revealed the three main measures that can prevent betrayal. Firstly, both sides of the couple should feel valued and important to the partner. Then come good communication and sexual satisfaction.
What is the sign of traitors?
To unravel the traitors' profile, married dating site Ashley Madison has even given some details of the personality of its users. Recently, the service has searched its database of over 13 million people for the signs that betray the most.
So if your husband is a fish, beware: they make up most traitors (17%). In a row, the biggest infidels are those of the sign Aquarius (15%), Cancer (11%) and Capricorn (10%). Among men, those who least betray are those of Sagittarius and Scorpio, both with only 3%.
In the case of women, Gemini women are the most likely to cheat (20%), followed by female users of Aries (18%), Virgo (14%) and Pisces (12%). Among them, Scorpio's are also reliable (2%), as well as Taurus's (1%).
For the researchers, personality traits determined by signs may favor the unfaithful behavior of users. Thus, the flexibility and restlessness of Pisceans and Gemini may explain infidelity. The loyalty, stability and security of Scorpios, for example, would justify the fidelity shown by this sign.
The Professions of the Infidels
The Ohhtel.com married dating site has also searched its users for features that infidels have in common. After hearing more than 5, 000 subscribers, experts found that secretaries, receptionists, and businessmen top the list of traitors.
The work environment itself seems to favor infidelity, regardless of profession. That's because 72.7% of men and 63.3% of women who participated in the survey confessed that they already had an affair with company colleagues. In addition, most of them (38.8%) and of them (60.7%) confirmed that they had already told their extramarital affairs to their friends at work.
The survey also revealed that the motel is the preferred place for betrayal between people who work together, as well as the car, which took second place in preferences. In addition, over 22% of participants have already pretended to be in a meeting to meet their lover within the company.
Infidelity Influences Divorce
Regardless of personality, those who resort to betrayal to escape relationship problems need to keep in mind that such behavior can have irreversible consequences for the relationship when discovered.
A 2010 survey of the Ashley Madison website was to see how infidelity can influence divorce, based on existing internet data on divorce. The site found that 17% of separations in the United States are motivated by treason, while 61% of Americans do not think unfaithful behavior should be considered a crime.
Experts also found that 14% of women and 22% of men admitted in surveys that they were being betrayed by their partners. But that didn't seem so uncomfortable: 31% of American couples decided to keep their marriage even after discovering their spouses' affairs.
Regarding extramarital affairs, Ashley Madison revealed that the average duration is two years, and they are present in the routine of one in 2.7 couples. These meetings, however, seem to have no future. Even after divorce, traitors do not usually have a romance with whom they had an affair: only 3% of the 4, 100 men interviewed married their lovers, according to the website.
Literature can inspire betrayal
The success of the book "Fifty Shades of Gray" (in Brazil, "Fifty Shades of Gray") among women around the world was not only positive for the author's bank account. Ashley Madison celebrated an increase of up to 50% in the daily enrollment of women in the service, who sought in extramarital affairs a way to realize much of the fantasies that emerged after reading.
The publication was launched in June 2011 and reached the milestone of over 1 million copies sold within months, including online versions purchased for Kindle. To prove the influence of this success on increasing female enrollment, Ashley Madison went to ask new users in the first half of July what they have read lately.
Of the 2, 700 respondents, 72% reported reading the bestseller, while 82% said they were more attracted to sex than before reading. Thus, 68% want to explore the relationships suggested in the book, and 62% believe their husbands would be shocked if they asked them to fulfill such fantasies. In this context, an unmarried extramarital affair with strangers in the same situation becomes more attractive than ever.
Is betrayal being more accepted?
The constant occurrence of betrayal in relationships is no longer new: in addition to the research already shown in this article, a study released in October 2011 by the Daily Mail revealed that 47% of Britons were once unfaithful. In addition, 63% of respondents found they were betrayed.
What is new about online research, however, is that fewer couples have decided to break up after the discovery of extramarital affairs. Among the respondents, 42% admitted they had already reacted with a partner after being betrayed and 30% confessed that they would forgive a one-night spouse case. The same number of people would accept if the partner had an affair with a celebrity.
The study also found the motivations for the betrayals. Among British respondents, a quarter said they were drunk when they committed their infidelity, while 20% were unfaithful to take revenge on an earlier betrayal.
For Second Love executive Anabela Santos, the betrayal today is viewed differently because couples want to escape routine and live new experiences. “The problem is that sometimes these fantasies come true from someone in the workgroup or circle of friends, and most marriages end because of that. In many cases, our users simply enjoy flirting and sharing experiences. This reduces the monotony that can be in a long relationship, ”she says.
And would you risk having an extramarital affair to escape routine?
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