Why is the number of straight men growing in gay dating apps?

One day these days, during a conversation with a great friend who is homosexual, I found out that the "karma" of his life is to find straight men in gay dating apps like the famous Grindr. The platform aims to promote the casual or otherwise encounter between gay men - so my astonishment: there are many non-gay men out there too. Men who have girlfriends, including, and many, many men who are married to women.

At home, I even talked to my fiance about it. In the discussion, I talked about the famous Kinsey Scale, and he, who understands graphs and statistics much more than I did, explained to me that this scale is valid in that it takes human sexuality out of the “gay”, “straight”, “ lesbian ”and“ bisexual, ”but it is complicated to fit people into these patterns, as there are many factors that help shape one's sexuality.

In fact, it is difficult to think of graphical scales of such a variant subject, and then the conversation I had with my friend and the one I had with my fiancé eventually shook my head further. The fact, however, is that heterosexual men, married or dating, seek casual sex with homosexual men, and then this friend of mine, whom I will call John (although this is not his real name), came to answer some questions about the theme.

We are not talking about exceptions, no

Joao told me that he knows several men who live a heteronormative life, but who seek casual sex with other men in a confidential manner. “I've met friends who dated women but enjoyed 'experimenting' with men from time to time. There are those who are confused, afraid of what they feel and what society might think, ”he told me.

On the other hand, John told me that there are many men who are sure and certain about their heterosexuality but who have homosexual experiences from time to time and do not see it as a problem. “Dating apps - like Grindr - seem to have only facilitated these 'jumping around' and casual sex between men, ” Joao explained.

I asked about the profile of these straight men in dating apps, and Joao told me that they are usually more discreet, they don't show pictures of their faces, "but they show other things very easily, " he said, adding that "many of these men say they want to preserve their relationships and marriages, so they try not to reveal their identities. ” He said some say a name, but can't be sure it's the real one.

Yes, they talk about their relationships with women.

Another feature that seems to be common among these men is the fact that, right off the bat, they say they have relationships with women. Many, according to John, have the desire to try something different, just as there are those who have had these experiences and seek a "repeat."

At this point in the conversation, as many people may be wondering, I thought that, logically, they are homosexual or bisexual men, but then John told me something interesting: “Among the married men I meet in life and applications, they they are generally really heterosexual - in the sense that they really like women and should stay married. ”

For these and other reasons, my friend says he doesn't believe in labels: "I think sexuality is really fluid and it doesn't surprise me that more and more men are looking to 'take this curiosity'." John says these men speak well and respectfully about their wives and girlfriends.

How do they act?

Regarding the chance of dating, John explains that these men usually seek sex without commitment, but says he knows cases of men who end up finding a steady partner, which can be interpreted as a relationship. "Particularly, I don't understand who would like to have a relationship with someone married, I think it's a bore, but casual encounters with married men are very interesting, " he said.

Regarding the behavior when making appointments, João told me that straight and married men are more concerned about the place, date and duration of the meeting, which ends up generating a lot of nervousness.

“I had an affair with a boy who was extremely nervous, with an overheating heart, who looked like he was going to have a shit. I suspect it was his first time with another man. But there are also those who know what they want, who are more practical and get to the point. ”

Modern times

Curiously, I asked John why he thinks the presence of men in heterosexual relationships is increasing in gay apps. “I suspect that each generation has a greater acceptance of homosexuality in society, which leads to greater visibility about being homosexual. I think a lot of men may have suppressed their desires (consciously or unconsciously), but they eventually discovered that curiosity - even if only for casual sex. ”

This open-mindedness, so to speak, seems to have found support in new technologies, and John very much agrees: "I think the dating app can be a great tool for experimentation and has helped many men explore their sexuality."

If you who have read us have experience in this matter, either as my friend John or as a straight man seeking casual relationships with other men, send us a message on our Facebook fanpage - your identity as well as my friend's, will be kept strictly confidential.